Dear Human,
I have worked with the finest furry tailors in the world, and am here to share my bounty of knowledge. Here's how to measure your pet...
Length
Measure from the base of the tail (where it connects to the
hindquarters) up to where the collar typically sits at the base of
the neck, then follow up with a generous back scratch.
Chest
This is measured by giving your pet a hug, during which you measure
the entire circumference (all the way around) at the widest point
of your pet's chest. This is typically right behind the front
legs.
Neck
First, plenty of kisses. Then, measure the neck's circumference
(the distance around it) at the point where the collar sits.